depression. | geninefils's Blog
A lot of people call me selfish, egocentric, and a horrible person because I don't try to be what they want me to be. But I don't want to lose myself in exchange for making people happy because when I feel like I lost myself I get depressed.
When I feel like I lose myself, I feel like I want to die. Making myself happy is important, too. I believe there exists a balance in doing what others want of us and doing what we want.
I wish people understood how important this is for me. A life lived for others is ideal-- yet at the same time exhausting. I have found that I need to be selfish sometimes-- no, I need to be selfish a lot. I need to think of my own happiness sometimes. I've found that when my life solely becomes doing what makes others happy, I just want to die. Even if loved ones may call me selfish, egocentric, or a horrible person and ostracize me, I need to do this because I am making an intervention necessary for my own life.
because without my self, I would be dead. Without m y goals and my dreams, I would be dead.
So be it. I don't want to be in my 50s ruminating, still taking antidepressants because I didn't do the things I wanted to do, because I didn't take risks, because I sought out my best interest from others instead of doing what I thought was right for myself. If I wasn't doing what I'm doing now, I would be dead. +
I believe that by making me happy, I am well equipped to being a more productive person in life. I waste a lot of time in my life feeling down and sorry for myself-- and I'm tired of that. I'm sad and sorry for all the time that I wasted. And still waste.
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Previous Posts****, posted November 3rd, 2013
depression., posted December 4th, 2012
i wish i had support, posted November 25th, 2012
thoughts, posted November 23rd, 2012
thoughts, posted November 14th, 2012
thoughts, posted November 7th, 2012
thoughts, posted September 28th, 2012
thoughts, posted September 26th, 2012
thoughts on body-image and the like., posted September 25th, 2012
thoughts., posted September 18th, 2012
thoughts. NCLEX exam. missing him., posted September 17th, 2012
insecurities., posted September 15th, 2012
thoughts., posted September 11th, 2012
feelings., posted September 1st, 2012
thoughts., posted August 20th, 2012
thoughts, posted August 14th, 2012
final thoughts before i sleep....., posted August 14th, 2012
thoughts..., posted August 14th, 2012
thoughts., posted August 14th, 2012
thoughts....i miss him, posted August 12th, 2012
up, posted August 10th, 2012
terrified...., posted August 7th, 2012
thoughts., posted July 29th, 2012
thoughts., posted July 27th, 2012
thoughts...., posted July 26th, 2012
my heart is heavy., posted July 25th, 2012
here, i am. torturing myself again., posted July 24th, 2012
I don't know what it takes to be beautiful in his eyes again., posted July 18th, 2012, 1 comment
my true self., posted July 17th, 2012
i WANT to look like a pornstar., posted July 14th, 2012
thoughts., posted July 6th, 2012
thoughts..., posted July 4th, 2012
thoughts...., posted July 3rd, 2012
thoughts..., posted June 23rd, 2012
thoughts, posted June 15th, 2012
thoughts, posted June 7th, 2012
thoughts, posted June 2nd, 2012
thoughts, posted June 2nd, 2012
thoughts., posted June 1st, 2012
transition, posted June 1st, 2012
why, posted May 31st, 2012
thoughts, posted May 31st, 2012
the fear and consumption, posted May 22nd, 2012
transition, posted May 19th, 2012
thoughts, posted May 3rd, 2012, 1 comment
Ruined Self-Esteem, posted April 29th, 2012, 2 comments
thoughts, posted April 19th, 2012
thoughts, posted April 5th, 2012, 1 comment
And No Religion, Too, posted March 30th, 2011
Woohoo!, posted March 1st, 2011
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